Someday by Nina

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You dont really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Chorus


Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and i'm not down anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

The Frog Princ(e)iple

12.10.06

And then the princess leaned over, picked up the slime-filled frog and gave it a kiss.

**poof**



Why is it that finding the right person for you seems like such a daunting task? Is it because we try so hard and exert so much effort in finding the right one that more often that it only leads to disappointment? Perhaps we get more thrills with the search rather than the find. Perhaps it gives us a sense of false hope that someone out there is really meant for us. We go to such great lengths in so many avenues desperately searching for the one that we believe can complete us. We spend so many hours looking chatting over the internet, dancing in clubs, sweating at the gym, going out of town, eagerly wanting to bump into the love. We even go to the unlikely places to find love, sauna baths, movie houses, weddings, bookstores, and sex clubs. Hey, not that I’m saying you won’t find love there but often our need drives us to leave no stone unturned, making us appear a little desperate.

If you believe in fairytales, there’s always a young princess that needs rescuing whether from a dragon, a witch, or from a tower in some castle. And of course the story won’t be complete if there’s no handsome young knight, prince that will come to the rescue and save the day. And they shall live happily ever after. Even if Cinderella turned out to be a nagger; Snow White a pathological liar; or Sleeping Beauty to be lazier than a sloth. The happy in ever after comes when you realize that the princess was not the person you hoped or the prince not as gallant as you thought. The happy comes when their faults don’t matter, when their mistakes don’t bother you, when you decide that the past is past and you only hope for a better life together.

What about the Frog Prince? The only reason I liked this particular fairytale is that this time it was the prince that needed rescuing. Come to think of it, how many frogs are you willing to kiss to find the right one? And how many frogs will kiss you before they realize that it is you they’re looking for?

-0-

Last night, I went out with Icko in an event/birthday party of his friend. It was somewhere in Tomas Morato and to be honest it was not my really my cup of tea. Even if I love events, bands, parties especially birthdays, this one was, let’s just say, the gods seemed to be against it. It was raining on and off the whole night, the crowd was the type you’d probably see in a village fiesta, the setting was on a street, the hosts were lousy, service was terrible. The only good thing I can say about the event was that the booze were free. J*ge*me*st*r, S**y Vo*ka , and S*n Mi*uel were some of the sponsors of the event so the drinks were pretty good. Though as the night dragged on, I so badly wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else but there. But of course, I was with Icko and his friends (which I liked by the way) so I had to stay. And half past one we decided to call it a night. We said our goodbyes and went off our way. Here’s the redeeming factor of the night I had. Icko and I braved the downpour to get a cab. And then we started talking about many things, and here’s an excerpt.

Icko: Thank you!

Noel: For what?

Icko: For staying with me and meeting with my friends. I know it wasn’t exactly the best night we had.

Noel: It’s ok. I had fun just being with you.

Silence. We kissed and held hands.

Icko: My head hurts. I think I had too many drinks.

Noel: I gestured him to sleep on my lap. And he rested.

Icko: I love you baby!

Noel: I love you too.

Icko: Don’t you dare leave me.

Noel: I won’t if you promise not to hurt me.

Icko: I won’t.

For the next 20 minutes or so I was just brushing my fingers on his hair and looking at him. Not saying a word, I watched him sleep so peaceful in my lap. I realized then how much I really felt for this person.

Noel: Let’s get married.

He stood up. Surprised.

Icko: Are you serious?

Noel: Well, it kinda just sorta came out of my mouth. But then again, why not?

Icko: But why me?

Noel: Coz… I just think we should.

At that time, I wasn’t thinking straight. I just thought that after all the crap I’ve gone through I don’t want this to be just another relationship. Perhaps I wasn’t that serious when I said what I said but some part of me wanted it so bad. I wanted to settle down and share my life with someone without worrying of the repercussions.

Icko: Alright, when?

Noel: On your birthday.

Not another word was said about it. I think we both understood what each other felt. Both fear and uncertainty accompanied with love and excitement lingered inside the cab all the way home.

-0-

*poof*

The frog turned into a handsome young man.

After kissing so many frogs and not finding the right one, where do you go from there? Frogs will always be frogs. They will not turn into prince charming no matter how many you kiss or how you kiss them. You just have to pick out the best frog on the pond and hope for the best. (Shout out to my best friend Nat!)

Closing Cycles by Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.

If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to leave abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a stand- still. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.

What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful in maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts- and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detached your self from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, you love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss; that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous that not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits you life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were and change into who you are.

Poster le Manuscrit:

From my favorite author sent to me by mother via email.

For The Prodigal-Med Student

READ! http://natalisms.blogspot.com/2006/09/leprechaun-flavored-pringles.html

My Comment on a (Best)Friends blog entry...

"You have to promise me that you'll read my blog... you owe it to me as your best friend!"

So after a smoke downstairs, I went back up and hurahhh my Big breakfast meal just arrived. And I remembered a promise made to my bestfriend... that I'd read her blog.

If some of you still doesn't know, she is one brilliant writer, too bad she's in medicine (or should that be a good thing?).

Truth be told this entry got me a little teary-eyed. I realized that if I went through with law school then I would probably be going through the same exact hell. You could just imagine what a "not-just-an-ordinary-Outsider" felt reading this. I have always had a huge respect for med students not just because they are studying to save lives or make it better but because they are doing what they are doing---eating, breathing, and living in hell. For them the most important thing is to make a difference. And how many people do you know who goes by this mission?

CHEERS! to my bestfriend who once was on Outsider but now found her true calling! Love yah!

text message sent 9/7/2006 10:12AM

Fuck. Naiyak ako sa blog mu. Not juz coz of u being a med student but i kept thnking if i went through with law, i'd probably go thru d same hell. Proud of u!

Till Salt and Pepper

A wise friend told me, "You cannot hold on to everyone. You have to let go of one to gain the love of another. Don't commit the same mistakes I did."

I’ve known her six months and I have never heard a wiser advice. My confidant, my friend, my roomie, Vicky, a “fantabulous” writer and an old soul; she can move mountains with her words and make men drop-jaw by her looks.

-o-

Just add a sprinkle of salt and a touch of pepper to taste.

-o-

I’ve always written stuff about things or people that inspire me. For the longest time I’ve written about love, heartache, pain, fear, and confusion. At some point it gets quite tiring and yet the hopeless-romantic in me craves for more. I have seen the world in dazzling colors and experienced life in an assortment of carnival rides. I made friends and enemies along the way. Broken hearts and healed wounds. Braved the rain, weathered the storm and bathed on the glorious sun. Dreamed big, got there and wanted more. But in this complicated, unorganized world that I live in there is but one thing that drives me to wake up every morning…

Love.

More often than not you’ll meet someone you don’t expect and shake you right out of your senses. But until then, you wait for prince charming to come in a gallant horse, sword at hand, shield at the other to simply sweep you off your feet. You dream about love, succumb to frustrations and wait for hope to spring.

Unlikely I met someone here. In a place full of horn dogs and people who long for the mind-blowing s*x they so desperately need. I fear hearing my heart shatter into a million pieces again. I am sick of play and tired of toys. And so, after weeding out the rotten apples I find one touched by the hand of Midas.

I met you once, back when youth was against me. Meet you again and almost lost you because the moon was full. I will not lose you again. I grabbed the destined meeting. And you cancelled, fear of what it might bring for the both of us. What seemed to be our last chance to be together created what appeared to be the 4th of July.

Magic in a coffee shop.

A Happy Meal and “How to Lose a guy in 10 days.”

The loveseat and the pillow talk.

And hours past midnight I couldn’t help myself. The world stopped spinning and I materialized the words my heart felt. Nothing else mattered. Just you. And knowing that salt and pepper was more than ingredients to taste, it was a promise.

my longest relationship

tauhan:
lj- a 24 yo successful account executive sa isang international company. ambitious, self-driven, at patuloy na naghahanap ng kaligayahan. bakla.
elle - bestfriend ni lj, isang 26 yo business woman na may sariling resto/bar sa makati at malate.
tagpuan: sa isang bar sa malate; friday night

lj: baket ganon?

elle: ang alin?

lj: may bar ka naman bat dito tayo nakatambay?

elle: wala lang para maiba lang. wala naman cgurong masama andito tayo, friend ko din naman may ari nitong bar.

lj: yun na nga eh, yung bang friend mo na yan tumatambay din sa bar mo?

elle: oo naman!
teka bakla, baket ka nga pala nagaya lumabas?

lj: wala lang, depressed lang ng onti ang lola mo?

elle: at baket nanaman? alam mo ikaw! lagi ka nlang depressed. di ko gets.. dahil ba kay ben?

lj: *sigh* sabay sindi ng yosi

elle: mashado mo naman kasi dinidibdib mga emotion mo eh. alam mo, why don't you just focus on your career.

lj: hay nako dear ano ba nga ba ginagawa ko? kita mo nga na halos araw araw overtime ako. nilulubog ko na sarili ko sa work para lang di ko naiisip mga problema ko sa lovelife ko.

elle: you go out on dates naman diba?

lj: yes i do. pero nakakapagod na maghanap ng matinong date. parang laging may sablay.

elle: kasi you keep looking for someone like ben, lagi kang nagcocompare. ben is ben, makita mo man sa iba ang gusto mo kay ben di pa din siya yun. you have to learn to take your chances with others. ikaw din ang mahihirapan kung lagi ka nlang aasa na magkabalikan kayo.

lj: dear, mahal ko kasi sha.. at alam kong mahal nya din ako.

elle: eh what's stopping you from getting back together.

lj: sabi nya kasi it's going to be hard for him, kasi nagkaroon na ako nga someone ulit. at alam mo naman kung ano din ang nangyari don diba? it didn't work out din kasi wrong timing.. i guess i just didn't love him enough. i know naman i was unfair to him.

elle: don't be too hard on yourself, you played your part din naman to make the relationship work. it just wasn't meant to be.

lj: alam mo iniisip ko, malas ata talaga ako sa relationship. at swerte sila sa akin. pansin ko lang ha, sa lahat ng recent relationship ko pagkatapos namin mag break, masaya sila kung di man alone, masaya sila sa new relationship nila at ako left alone to contemplate on things that i've done. how unfortunate.

elle: tahimik, inom ng vodka sprite.

lj; animal! magsalita ka, are you telling me tama ang iniisip ko.

elle: gaga! of course not. i just wanted to make sure seryoso ka sa sinabi mo? dahil malapit na kita batukan. how could you even think that?

lj: well it's too much of a coincidence naman kung saka sakali diba? halos lahat sila ganon ang nangyari.

elle: and that makes it true na? ganon ba yun?

lj: tahimik, tingin sa cellphone at text text kunwari

elle: inom, tingin sa paligid.

*30 sec of silence*

elle: sino naman yang ka text mo? or nagtetext ka ba talaga?

lj: hindi, tinitingnan ko lang messages ng phone ko.

elle: tinotorture mo lang sarili mo.

lj: yeah i know. eh di ba masukista naman talaga ako.





elle: tell me 10 things why you still love him?

*cue song: snow on the sahara by anggun*

lj: 1st, contrary to his belief, he makes me happy most of the time. magtext nga lang yun, di na ako magkanda ugaga. pag magkikita kami i make sure na sobrang gwapo ko muna at sobrang cute bago ko sha kitain. so many costume changes.. 5-6 times ako kung magpalit. tapos mga 30mins sa buhok pa.

elle: o.a.

lj: di noh.. totoo yun. tapos dalawang beses ata ako kung maligo para lang sobrang bango. i make it a point na di ako aalis ng bahay hangga't di ako sure na malalaglag panga niya sa akin. that's how much effort i put just to please him.
2nd. he makes me feel that i'm part of his life. he makes me feel needed and wanted.
3rd. he sacrifices things for me even if i don't ask for it. and i'm willing to do the same.
4th. kahit nasasaktan na ako ng paulit ulit, laban lang ako ng laban. iniiyak ko lang. pero my feelings won't change for him. kahit nakakapagod na. i don't give up.

elle: di naman kaya mashado ka na unfair sa sarili mo? parang your not giving yourself much credit. lagi nlang sa kanya.

lj: alam ko naman yun eh. pero alam ko din kasi na there were times that i'm more unfair to him.

*cue song: i just can't let go by ambrosia*

elle: but why do you allow yourself to be hurt like that? kasi mahal mo sha? but that's not enough. it shouldn't be like that.

lj: there are certain things na kakayanin mo para sa taong mahal mo. i know it's cheesy but that's life.

elle: question: why are you scared to be alone?

lj: i just don't see myself being without someone. i want someone to take care of me and i want someone i can take care off. i want a companion in life. someone i can share my dreams with. someone i see a future with. yung alam kong kahit anong hirap kakayanin namin. i saw that in ben. in almost 2 years that we were together i saw the world differently. i saw my future with him to be hard pero alam kong kakayanin. i didn't know i was pushing him too much over the edge, till he fell and gave up on me. he wanted me to change and i did pero i felt that i was losing myself in the process. but it was ok for me, i didn't mind. but it also seemed that for him, the change was too slow and that it wasn't enough.

elle: how sad.

lj: 5th, he loved me like no one else did.
6th, he did things for me, little things that made me feel special.
alam mo ang masaklap lang for me now, is that i want his happiness more than anything and i don't know if i'm best for him. i don't want him to come back to me because naawa sha, and knowing him. hindi naman nya gagwing bumalik for that reason alone. he doesn't like me telling him i want him back, he needs enough reason for him tl do that. and i don't know how else to prove to him that i'm still madly in love with him. i also need to be happy, i have the right too? but i'm doing everything i can to make him happy and i don't even know if he is. i also want to tell him that he should also try and make me happy naman, but i don't want to do that kasi as he said; the ball was already passed to me. it's up to me now. but what else should i do? ano pa ang dapat kung gawin.

elle: i guess you just need to keep doing what you're doing.

lj: i'm afraid i'm running out of battery. hanggang kailan at hanggang saan pa ba?

elle: kanta yan bakla!

lj: animal!!

*tawa ng sabay*

elle: ano na ang pinaka masakit na nagawa nya sa iyo?

lj: there was one day after i played badminton. i decided to call him up. then he picked up. i asked him kung busy sha sabi nya medyo. he sounded as if nahihiya at parang di alam ang gagawin. i asked kung asa bahay sha sabi nya oo. then, i apologized for calling. he was obviously with someone doing something. i didn't know what he was doing but he seemed agitated when i called. it's like when your mom calls ypu up when your having sex. parang ganon. so i kinda figured ganon nga ang ginagawa nya. call it gut instinct but i know he was with someone doing something. kung di man baka pasimula pa lang or patapos na. it was around 11pm. my world stopped.

elle: *di nakapagsalita*

lj: *biglang naluha* hahaha! look at me umiiyak ako sa isang bagay na dapat di ko na iyakan. we broke up ages ago. i even had a relationship na. and yet sobrang nasasaktan pa din ako.

elle: when did this happen?

lj: kanina lang.

elle: HUWAAATT???

lj: why do you think nagaya ako uminom? i can't even describe the pain i felt... feel. it's as if you don't want to wake up coz it will only remind you of what happened. and you want to cry and cry but you fear it might not stop. you lost faith in all promises. the little hope i had disappeared in an instant.

elle: but how do you know he was doing nga that? malay mo naman hindi yun ganon.

lj: regardless if he was doing it with someone or not. he was with someone, in his room, at 11pm. kung ano man ang ginagawa nila only comes secondary. what's painful was he was with another, and i felt na para akong kabit na naghahanap ng pansin. it was wrong for me to call him but it was worse when he answered my call. i feel pathetic. needy. clingy and desperate. it hurt so much i was dazed and confused. i didn't know what to do. but what i did next was the worst. i texted him. TWICE.

elle: TANGA!

lj: i know. 1st i texted him saying sorry. and i don't even know why i even apologized. 2nd text was asking him why he answered my call. he didn't text back on both texts. i think that was the worse, he gave me the cold treatment left me hanging again. not knowing what he thinks of me now. i don't want to text him na but im tempted to.

elle: WAG! keep what little pride you have left.

lj: i don't think i even have any left. i have nothing more to give elle. pagod na din ako masaktan. i just want to be happy because i know i deserve it. and yet time and time again i've been tested. not knowing if i even passed or failed. i held on to something so uncertain. took the risk and this is the consequence i have to endure. TANGNANG BUHAY TOH!!!

elle: STOP IT! time for you to move on. to find the happiness you deserve. let go.

lj: i don't know how. i tried elle. i did. but still ...

elle: anong sakit pa ba ang dapat mong maramdaman?!? ano pang inaatay mo? umaasa ka pa ba? tinaihan ka na sa ulo. ni wala ka na ngang pride. wala ka ng pagkatao dahil sa kanya. ang laki na ng pinagbago mo pero parang hindi nya nakikita. tama na lj. enough! makakakita ka din ng taong tama para sa iyo. pero sa ngayon give your self time to heal.

lj: i thought i have. i thought i've healed and that i was ready. ang dami kong pinalampas na pagkakataong maging masaya para sa kanya. taong alam ko na mamahalin ako no matter what. pero para akong naghahabol sa isang multo. nagmamahal sa isang taong patuloy lang akong sinasaktan. and yet i can't stop loving him. what is wrong with me??

elle: stop blaming yourself. nothing's wrong with you. you just love him too much to sacrifice your own happiness.

lj: i want him to love me. love me like before. yun lang. i just want to build our dreams together. to take care of each other. to be with him and know i'm protected and loved.

elle: ano ba plano nya for you?

lj: i honestly don't know. he keeps me running in circles. but honeslly i love him so much that if he's going to be happy with someone else i'd step aside and watch. *tutulo and luha, sabay sindi ng yosi*

elle: i've known you for a long time dear and i know you can get over this. i know kaya mo toh. you've been through worse. kaya yakang yaka mo ito atche!

*cue song Angel by Sarah Maclachlan

lj: that's my song. *kakanta* spend all you life waiting for that 2nd chance for a break that will make it ok. there's always some reason to not feel good enough. and it's hard at the end of the day. i need some distraction ohh beautiful release. memories seep from my vains. it may be empty ohh weightless and maybe i'll find some peace tonight,

*sabay sila ni elle*

lj and elle: in the arms of angel fly away from here. from this star cold hotel room. and the endlessness that you feel. you are broke from the wreckage of your silent reverie. in the arms of an angel may you find some comfort here.

elle: mahirap noh?

lj: ang alin? ang tono mo? oo nga eh sablay sablay eh.

elle: gaga. and situation mo. walang kasiguraduhan.

lj: i guess i just have to live with it.

elle: so ano na plano mo?

lj: well after this uuwi na cguro.

elle: you want me to bring you home?
lj: no na. i'll be fine.

elle: sure ka?

lj: yeah. i'm strong diba?

elle: let's just finsih this drink and go?
lj: you go, baka hinahanap ka na ng asawa mo.

elle: alright. but i'd hate to leave you here alone.

lj: ano ba ang arte. i can go home fine. uuwi naman ako agad eh.

elle: o sha sha!

lj: zarturnahhh!

elle: cge i'll go na ha.. magingat ka pauwi and i'll see you. magtext ka paguwi mo ha.

lj: yup. promise. *beso, sabay kiss* love yah!

elle: love yah too atcheng!

*makalipas ang ilang minuto na nakaalis na si elle. naglakad so lj papunta sa sakayan. at habang nagaabang ng taxi*

-----itutuloy-----

No Me Ames

Tell me, why are you crying?
Because I'm happy
And why are you so choked up?
From loneliness.
And why are you squeezing my hand So tightly
And your thoughts seem to be wandering?
I love you so much
Why?
Don't be so hard-headed
Stop doubting me
Although in the future there's a large sky I'm not afraid I want to love you
Don't love me because you think I'm different
You don't think it's right
For us to spend this time together
Don't love me because I know what a lie
it would be If you don't think I deserve your love
Don't love me I'm going to stay another day
Don't love me because I'm lost
Because I change the world
Because it's my destiny
Because I can't change
We are a mirror
And you are my reflection
Don't love me
To be dying in a war of regret and sad thoughts
Don't love me
Because in this world
This great love deserves to soar through the blue sky
I don't know what to say
That's the truth
If people want to want to hurt us, they will
If you and I part now
They don't matter
But in this world
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't listen when I say I don't love you
Don't love me
Stop breaking my heart with these "I don't love you's"
Don't love me Because my heart is breaking
That is useless I will always love you
Don't love me
You have suffered enough My heart has turned cold like a million winters
Don't love me
To forget about your grey days
I want you to always love me
You and I are changing One with the other
And always together T
his love is like the sun That comes out after a storm
Like two comets in the same galaxy
Don't love me
Don't love me
Don't love me (Don't love me, don't love me, don't love me)

Far Away from our Dreams

Like a distant memory you shall pass

And the wind that blows north shall now turn east

More than anything i wish for you

To stay and cuddle me in your arms

One last time.

One last time,

Hold me and do not go.

Let me hear your heart

For I want to know who it beats for

Is it for me?

And then, as the end draws near

I shall hold my breath

And try to persuade my heart

to keep beating.

The look on your face my heart and soul will remember

In every moment that you are with me

In all the places we were together.

I need you

But I dare not be selfish

You must go

I know that now

I'd ask you to stay

But I will not cloud your dreams.

When you go

There is one thing I want to ask..

Do this..

Take a piece of my heart with you

Keep it and be silent

Just remember that more than anything

I love you.

2 more days...

How do you wake up and pretend that everything is ok? That everything's fine and dandy and you have no problem at all.

A Year Later

For more than a year I haven't posted anything here. I guess you might call it "blog-block." I have a lot on paper though but my access to the internet is very limited for the past year ergo the reason for my inactivity. Busy, busy day and yet paranoia still sets in every minute or so. I'm scared as hell. My heart's beating a thousand a min. But I guess I have to do this know to stop everything. I've never been so scared in my entire life. I can't even stand up. I'm shaking all over. Damn it.

Everyone's out to get me. I'm positive. Positive I tell you. You'll all see that I'm right and no one can help me. What will I do then? Where will I go? How do I move on? I got to stop thinkin' about it but it can't be helped. I'm going crazzzzeeee!!! I'm too young!

Tonight I find out. Tomorrow I'll know. Soon I'll leave you or will I? Good tidings! Cheers to my last bottle!